April Favorites

Another Month and more stuff. 

Love ya too Frank

Watch

House of Cards

I admit it, originally I thought this show looked abysmal. Principally because my parents recommended it and the last show we watched together was the Waltons. All 9 seasons. I wanted to throttle John Boy by the end (followed closely by Mary Ellen). 

This show is a political drama minus the day to day bureaucratic stuff. It’s a combination of Suits and Scandal starring a solid 97% evil protagonist. The show follows congressman Frank Underwood (Kevin Spacey), his wife Claire (Robin Wright) and their rise to power. And let me tell you it really is DRAMA. Additionally you may or may not end up falling for Frank. Despite the fact he’s basically Hitler. Despite the fact he is almost 60. And despite the fact his Southern accent is fake af. It’s his power *shiver*. 

Ellie bringing back light up Nikes 

Music

Literally anything from Ellie Goulding’s album Delirium. She’s just so hot right now. 

Read

Career of Evil- Robert Galbrath (Jk jk it’s Rowling hahaha)

The third novel  in the the detective Coramon Strike series. Hands-Down the best one so far. I didn’t want to bash ‘Robert’s’ first novel but let’s just say it’s like comparing a Harry Potter prologue to Chapter 34 of the Half blood Prince. The prologue is essential to the story but in no way compares to the battle between the most evil wizard of all time and Harry Potter. 

Private investigator Strike and Robin’s relationship FINALLY starts to move along, and by far the creepiest killer so far narrates every few chapters. 

#embrace-diabetes

Food

Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough S'Wich Up

I’ll reiterate the description on the above packaging vanilla Ice cream, a chocolate cookie swirl, chocolate cookie sandwiches (basically oreos) and cookie dough chunks. If I could drown in one substance it would be this ice cream. 

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That’s about it for April. Few changes this month  as my life as been an endless succession of essays. I’m guessing no one wants to hear about the best brand of pen to throw as you slowly rot to death in your uni’s study rooms. Nope? Didn't think so. Nanananananaana. 

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5 Facts You Didn’t Know about Kevin Mckidd (Dr. Owen Hunt)

Dr. Owen Hunt, Chief of Surgery 

1. He’s from Elgin Scotland. This first one is a joke because there is literally no way you could miss this fact. Kevin Mckidd talks about the fact he is from Elgin Scotland in every single interview without fail. 

2. Post-train wreck Grey’s anatomy musical episode Kevin Mckidd was eager to continue on his musical journey. He released a folk song CD in 2012. In true Mckidd fashion every single track is a Scottish ballad. 

Accompanying this CD is an in depth documentary that follows Mckidd back to where it all started. You guessed it: Elgin Scotland. Where Kevin Mckidd is from. Kevin Mckidd is Scottish. Watch it here. 

Meredith Grey bought the CD, why haven't you?

3. Kevin’s first role was in the critically acclaimed film a Trainspotting, a film which chronicles the struggles of heroin addicts in Edinburgh. Unfortunately 3/4 of the way through the film  Kevin is killed off.  He meets a sticky end not by drugs, not by his insane ex-girlfriend and not by his violent heroin high friends, he is killed by a kitten. A kitten. 

Kev looking very blonde

Kevin in his happy place

4. Prior to his role as Owen Hunt in Grey’s anatomy Kevin Mckidd starred alongside Patrick Dempsey (Dr. McDreamy sigh swoon) in the rom-com Made of Honour. Kevin plays a Scottish clan leader. No surprises there.

Kevin introducing Patrick to his everyday wardrobe

5. Kevin McKidd attended Queen Margaret University for drama. You know who else goes to Queen Maragret’s? I do. Kev and I are practically living the same life. 

To sum up you can expect to see me in the upcoming season of Grey’;s anatomy since there is literally no difference between Kevin Mckidd and my life. I hope to play his newest love interest since we have so much in common and we both love Scotland.

The exact room Kevin stayed at while attending QMU

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Regret

Pretty high up on the average person’s list of life goals is to live with no regrets. And the average person would say this aim fairly achievable. You would think being only 21 there would be few times I would feel truly regretful. You my friend would be wrong. 

They'll tell you I'm insane. 

1. Drunk dialing 

Put me in a room with a cellular device and a bottle of Glen’s and as sure as an Adele grammy nomination a drunk call is a mere two hours away. These calls target people I avoid talking to sober. 

Be it an ex-flame, stalker or American exchange students from the North if I haven’t spoken to them in person for a solid month you better believe they’ll be receiving a call.

2. My Instagram username (beth1234567898)

As unimaginative as it is long. 

p.s. This is not just a plug for followers #followforfollow

Pre-olympic 2008 training. 

3. Quitting Gymnastics 

I currently possess the flexibility of a plank of wood. Recently I attempted to demonstrate my intact tumbling prowess and smashed my face into the cold hard ground below Arthur’s seat. Oh how my friends laughed.

Just because Taylor can handle it, doesn't mean you can. 

4. My addiction to diet soft drinks

Slippery slope my friend. Think before you drink. 

5. Working as a receptionist

Despite being arguably the most introverted student in my entire high school I concluded my first job should involve greeting strangers and dealing with their rage over room pricing. The only reason I wasn't immediately fired was because my best friend's dad was the owner. 

6. Starting to bleach my hair 

Welcome to the sahara desert aka the moisture level of my hair. 

What are some of your biggest regrets my dear readers? Until next time xx

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September Favorites

Hello loyal readers. Beth is back in black, pastel pink and ready to give you the scoop on who and what everyone needs to be watching, reading, listening, knitting, dressing in and speaking to this October. I think this post may help all of us as we take on the future miserable cold and lonely months. 

To sum up at the end of September I am still single, short, ab-less and lacking in talent generally. However what I do have is consistency. I consistently fail to achieve my goals. To sum up thank goodness I have fun friends and family to make up for my distinct lack of positive progression.

Mis Amigos

Music
For the Gym

CobraStyle TeddyBears 
Not to begin on a negative note but everyone I’ve shown this song has absolutely hated it.

Trust You Rob Thomas 
From the man who brought you the masterpiece Lonely No More

Beat of My Drum Powers 

Fascination Alphabeat
#throwback

Help Our Souls (Urban Contract Remix) Nilhils

On My Mind Ellie Goulding

For Netflix and Chill 
(minus the Netflix obviously because music shouldn't compete with a cinematic masterpiece like Love, Rosie for example) 

Honest Feedback Saint Motel

Midnight Movies Saint Motel

Magnets Disclosure and Lorde

Youth FRONTEERS

Don’t Marry Her The Beautiful South

Read
This is more of blacklist of books you should avoid. I’ve honestly hated the majority of material I’ve read recently.

The Night Circus By Erin Morgenstern
Not sure why there was such a buzz surrounding this novel. Great concept, honestly sounds like a hella-fun circus unfortunately I didn’t like a single character. I have the same problem in my personal life so there we go. 

And that sums up the grand total of books I managed to read this month. Slow and steady that’s my motto. 

Watch

The Walking Dead
Apocalyptic America and a fun group of survivors lead by that tragic guy from Love Actually. 

How I met Your Mother (for the third time)
Think Friends but with ten times the inside jokes and spontaneous dance numbers. 

Scream Queens
I’m not 100% sure I even like this show but the sheer number of famous faces they manage to fit into a 40 minute episode is impressive. 

Random Favorites

This video of Taylor and Haim is #goals and #dreams. Queen G and I recreated it. It was a mistake. Both are posted below. 

Searching for a drink to replace the beverage of the gods (aka Vodka Lemonade) led to this fun finding. Margaritas. Prepare to get white girl wasted my friends. 

Till next time! xx

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What Not to do in New York

On the Steps of the Met xoxo

Hello my loyal readers, I can only apologize for the lack of posts over the past few months. Suffice to say I am now a respectable employed student and I was on holiday. The vacation destination was none other than the big apple, the city that never sleeps, so nice they named it twice, NEW YORK CITY.

Queue Jay-Z: YEAH I’M OUT THAT BROOKLYN, NOW I’M DOWN IN TRIBECA, I’M RIGHT NEXT TO DENIRO, BUT I’ll BE HOOD FOREVER. Whatever that means.

2 weeks, three stalwart friends off on a whirlwind big city adventure. In the immortal words of Donkey, I love it. There were highs: shopping in Bendels', Wicked on Broadway, the Gossip Girl tour, Literal highs: Rockefeller center, Lady Libby and the Freedom Tower but there were also crushing lows. This blog post details the sights and sounds you should avoid in NYC.

Ultimately my take away advice is not all money spent is money spent wisely and additionally don’t let your friends go hungry. They will try to kill you. To sum up we’re having fun, miss a meal time at your own peril.

What Not to do in New York

Don’t wear the shortest dress you own.

Your chic summery vibe swiftly becomes more lady of the night or more likely trashy white girl. 

Don’t expect Julian Morris to be there.

He’ll be in Edinburgh instead. Despite the fact you were in Edinburgh the entire year. Despite the fact you snapchat him your whereabouts constantly. And despite the fact he lives in NYC. He won’t be coming back to Pretty Little Liars and he won’t be coming to your city.

Why Julian? Why must you hurt me so?

Don’t give spare change to homeless men at red lights.

They will come and speak to you. They will scream at you tips on how to save money. There is no escape. You will look a fool.

Don’t buy food at museums.

If it’s edible and in a museum it’s going to be expensive. And probably terrible.

Don’t take your hungry friends to the museum.

As I mentioned above, your friendship may not last as long as you first imagined.

Don’t go to Senor Frogs for food.

These smiles and balloon hats hide tears.

Don’t walk 5+ miles for macaroons and then only buy one.

Because you will go back almost immediately and there will be a line out the door and the shop assistant will recognize and judge you.

We'll take the lot. 

Fun Fact: Blair Waldorf and Leighton Meester bought macaroons here. 

Don’t go on the Hop on Hop Off bus tour.

Picture the ‘It’s a Small World’ Disney ride but with a bellowing New York tour guide and NYC trivia.  

Don’t trifle with Chanel’s security team.

Don’t leave a note written in eyeliner and signed with a lipstick kiss in place of a tip.

Don’t expect celebrities to come helicoptering in just because you have arrived.

The only 'celebrity' we saw. 

Don’t wait your turn for a picture in front of the the Alice in Wonderland statue in central park.

It’s a jungle out there. Parents are ruthless and so you must be to get that winning photo. 

Out of my way peasant.

Don’t forget fancy hotel bathrooms as your key into the NYC elite lifestyle.  

Living the dream at the Empire. 

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The Best Underrated Animated Films

1. The entire Shrek Saga but specifically Shrek 2. 

An ogre fights for his ogre wife against the expectations of her family and a menopausal fairy. 

Fun fact: People love a good scare.

The simultaneously the most quotable and spontaneously relatable film ever. Some personal  favorite quotes include:

- I'm coming Elizabeth! [passes out] 

- Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out, Pound dead, Make 'em tea, Buy 'em drinks, Meet their mommas, Milk 'em hard, RAWHIDE! YEE-HAW!

- Oh, God! help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?

- Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! (pretty woman lawl)

2. Spirit

A horse fights for freedom and also Bryan Adams. 

Walk into the club like...also #hairgoals
 

That horse is pure SASS since 2002. People who say they didn’t cry during the snow storm when Spirit had a Native American drug fueled hallucination about his horse family are liars fakes and phonies (and you don't want to be laying your eyes on them).

From the Spirit soundtrack I’d like to recommend You Can’t Take Me- Bryan Adams for your personal get psyched mix. Actually check out anything Bryan Adams related (Summer of ’69, Heaven etc.)

3. Chicken Run

A plucky chicken tries to save her fellow farm yard friends from being turned into a savory snacks. 

Me neither Babs, me neither. 

Fun fact: My Flatmate G’s spirit animal is Mrs. Tweedy/ a chicken pie and yes as you would imagine, living in the U.K. pretty much mirrors the exact storyline of Chicken Run. So rather than spending thousands of pounds on flights just watch that film, 100% accurate 100% of the time. 

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The Drunk Chronicles

I am starting this new series recounting my wildest nights in the hope that my readers and future Beth will remember these nights and perhaps throw caution to the wind or at least avoid jail time.  

Before the tragic loss of the shoe.

Miss Mischief 

The year was 2012. Depending on the time of day L (a flatmate and depending on her whine level close friend) and I were either white girl wasted,pretending to study, or lost in Pre-man bun Harry  Styles’s eyes. I had doubled in size as a result of my daily consumption  3 course dinners (consisiting entirely of cereal).I had never felt so free or confused about what day of the week it was, considering I had run out money and clothes that still fit me it seemed like the perfect time to hit the town. There was only one club. HIVE.

For those who have never frequented Hive, let me paint you a picture. Hive will never win any awards for cleanliness, bouncer hospitality or accurate alcohol measures, and probably offers a 76% chance of contracting a fatal disease. The Hive does offer a solid B+ for music, shots for a pound and hundreds of desperate potential pulls.

 Must see attractions include:

• Mary, the toilet attendant

• The mystery hole in the wall beside the toilets

• The smoking area, where you can enjoy some fresh air

• The Alternative Dance room (Teenage Dirtbag/Wonder Wall and you've made it)
  
  

• The Cocktail Bar (fun fact:you cannot buy anything but cocktails)

Fun Fact: Ignore Lesley’s cocktail recommendations, the stevo-o is alcohol poisoning in a pitcher and The Kiss Me Kate does not taste like the kind of drink Kate Middleton would order. 

Our night began in the normal fashion. After piling on the make up and pre-drinking enough to ensure Lesley's jokes were actually funny, we hopped on the dirty thirty (our university’s  premier bus of choice)  and off to the promised land. The night flew past in a whirl wind of screaming through Kiss You (ONE D), greeting Mary like a long lost comrade from the wars and trying not to vom up our tequila shots.

Friends for life.

Finally the club lights flickered on, the signal even Hive couldn't handle us right now. On this particular night I met a fun guy who we’ll refer to as Jimbo and his friend Shrimp. Despite my drunken state I soon determined that an after party had been planned back at their flat and I had the distinct honor of being invited. Turning to Lesley I could see an after party was the last thing on her mind. When Lesley gets drunk and annoyed  she transforms into what can only be referred to as Glasgow betch. Her usual sweet tones morph into angry chav and there's not a soul on earth wouldn't tremble at her voice.

“Beth is this really a good idea?”
“Beth, are you sure?”
“Beth, we’ll regret this.”

Of course being all knowing and never regretting a single drunken choice ever, I ignored these warnings and hopped into a car  featuring a fun bumper sticker reading 'I Love Sl*ts'. Lesley torn between her Glasgow betch rage and hunger  for adventure followed me and here begins a crazy adventure that verges on the unbelievable.

We arrived at  a flat that was  an exciting combo of both freezing and filthy. Jimbo proceeded to tell us of his adventures as a dog owner and sports physio.  We watched ten videos straight of him and his dog  in which he adopted a high pitched squealing when talking to said dog  that was the oddest and most hilarious thing I have ever seen. Laughs aside Jimbo wanted to introduce us first hand to his skills in the art of sports injury management. He attached a kind plunger to my leg which made my skin expand, left a bruise and was also hilarious. I then attempted to balance on a inflatable balance ball and fell on my face. It was around the point Lesley developed the laugh of deranged hyena and I realized any sanity had been lost to this ridiculous scenario. Upon offering us some warm beer, Shrimp tried to convince Lesley and I we would make fabulous bouncers. This was greeted with more hyena laughter as I stand at 5’3 and sober Lesley is scared of her own shadow.  

More fun friends.

By this time Lesley and I were starvingly hungry. We tried to call Dominoes but fun fact Dominoes does not deliver at 430am (fun fact: they still answer the phone though!) so instead of doing the logical thing and asking for food from the kitchen Lesley and I devised a genius plan. We said we were going to the bathroom but instead we made our way to the kitchen and started rummaging through the shelves. Unfortunately Jimbo was a health nut and had exactly zero fun snacks. He also heard us in the kitchen and asked what the hell we were doing. After explaining our hunger and desperation for nutrition Jimbo proceeded to make us the most disgusting porridge in the world that lacked sugar, oats and milk. In hindsight I’m not hundred percent sure Jimbo knew what porridge was.

By this time Lesley and I were exhausted and the next bit of the story is a bit hazy. Suffice to say Shrimp lived up to his nickname and Jimbo clearly preferred Lesley over me. I awoke the next morning fully understanding how cold Jack and Rose must have felt clinging to that plank of wood in the middle of the ocean. I thought I had contracted frost bite. 

The bathroom mirror also revealed that sleeping in your contact lenses gives you red demon eyes. I was ready to leave. I kicked Lesley awake declined Jimbo’s offer of breakfast (or porridge round two) and  practically ran from the flat only to double back as I had forgotten my wallet. 

The block of flats looked like nowhere Lesley and I had ever seen before and so we were forced to ask a terrified looking 8 year old for directions. We parted with Lesley creepily advising him to "stay in school" and we began our walk of shame stride of pride down Princes Street. The judgement from people passing by was tangible, I was convinced my coat had been drenched in gasoline (turns out it was just beer) and since Lesley had lost her shoe the previous night I gave her mine and was barefoot. The bus driver viewed us with clear disgust as we made our way to the back of the bus heads bowed in shame. 

The only silver lining were the calorie ridden pasties we had for breakfast. From that night on Lesley went by a new name Miss Mischief (so called by shrimp) and I learned to live with rejection.

Fun fact: several months later Jimbo fb-messaged Lesley asking her out. #FAILWHALE.  

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