How to Get Ready for a Night Out

Dinner 
While a carb-rich dinner is typically cited as the most appropriate meal to head out on that’s not really my style.

The purpose of such a dense meal is to slow down the effects of the numerous spirits we will inevitably end up chugging down throughout the night. However this logic isn’t really compatible  with the student lifestyle, where the goal is less money for same result. 

In other words: Less alcohol to get drunk= Cheaper night and more money for hangover pizza.

Therefore my dinner usually takes the form of a Diet Coke. I don’t endorse this for health reasons but I guarantee it’s effectiveness in decreasing the amount of booze need to get white girl wasted.

Taylor Knows. 

The Outfit 
For most girls this part of the night is simultaneously the most fun and the most anxious part of the night. Time constraints coupled with the need to make an entrance in da club makes for is a highly stressful experience.

I typically decide on my outfit pre-shower, cut myself shaving, opt for black jeans instead of leg exposing attire, realize that ruins my whole hair look and double back to my original outfit covering my cuts with plasters I pray won’t show up in every photo. 

Finally I’m dressed, and to my horror I begin to hear the muffled sounds of my flatmates finishing their physical transformations, cranking up Tay-Swizzle and pouring the first of many drinks to be had that evening. I still haven't made my last minute dash to the cash machine. 

The Makeup 
I decide to ditch the dramatic cat eye I planning to unveil last minute and stick with my tried and true evening look. Black eyeliner on top, white eyeliner on the lash line and red lipstick that  miraculously never shows up in pictures yet looks far too much in person. Inevitably the liquid liner smudges and the Spotify playlist I'm blasting to get me into the ‘party mood’ starts sounding more and more like a horror movie soundtrack. 

I hear a tap at my door, my flatmate needs to borrow my mirror. I can’t let her see me like this! I am meant to emerge a beautiful butterfly not like a drag queen did my eye make up. Her voice sounds desperate, Uptown Funk reaches a crescendo and I chuck the mirror into the hall pretending I'm so so chill when I feel like giving up the whole charade and eating salted caramel ice-cream alone in bed.

The Hair
Minus a mirror I decide to move onto my drenched hair, which funnily enough did not air dry in the 10 minutes I had specifically set aside for this purpose. I lead the attack with various brushes and a hair dryer to create a sort of frizzy blonde afro which I attempt to tame with bobby pins. At this point I’ve given up on attractive and am attempting the look, ‘vaguely human’. I dash into the hallway snatching up my precious mirror and see my hair is defying gravity. It literally looks like I rubbed my head against a balloon for half an hour. Luckily hair spray works wonders and I emerge from under a cloud of mist with a crispy hair helmet complemented by a hint of frizz to give the illusion of volume. I should have gone with curls, yep definitely should have gone with curls. 

My look complete I pull on heels (still vaguely filthy from a previous night out) and hurry out chucking things into my bag as I go. Two forms of ID,  my IPhone on 15% battery, lipstick, Extra chewing gum and my keys. I am prepared. 

Pre-Drinks
I step into an empty hallway and realize the sounds I heard were not the chimes of girls raring to go. It was the sound of procrastination and I am in fact the only one ready. I totter into the kitchen pour myself what is probably a triple vodka Diet Coke and collapse on the floor. I wonder if I still have ice cream left??