I would like to introduce the world of Beth Oh La to a couple of my close friends and their experiences in school. Some background on my three interviewees.
Lesley
Occupation: Life guard and dietetics student
Words to live by: My life is a tragedy
Best quality: She brings the sass
Worst quality: Always the victim
Gemma
Occupation: Blogger and Nursing Student
Words to Live By: Never forget the toppings on your pizza
Best Quality: Her vivid imagination
Worst Quality: 90% of the time living in a nightmare dressed like daydream
Jessica:
Occupation: Dietetics student and future singing sensation
Words to live by: It’ll all work out in the end
Best quality: Despite her innocent appearance her raunchy jokes appear like a bolt out the blue at the best time.
Worst quality: Bit of an airhead
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| Lesley and me posing up a storm |
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| Jessica and Moi |
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| Galentimes Day with Gemma |
B: What was your favorite subject at school and why?
Gemma: Ok so up until my highers my favorite subject was history because I was really good at it, and then when I went into highers my favorite subject was English, cause I really liked the books and plays and I got really good at it.
Summary: Gemma stick to her strengths
B: Jessica?
Jessica: Art.
Jessica has to be reminded that she needs to expand on that answer as it would make for a pretty shitty interview if all the responses were one word.
Because I love drawing and painting, it was just fun.
Lesley: I really liked history cause I was good at it and it was really interesting.
- After Lesley blatantly steals Gemma’s answer she goes on about James the first, the only thing she remembers about the English civil war.
- Beth and Gemma then comment on their compete lack of historical knowledge.
- A loud hissing erupts from Lesley as she cracks open what I suspect is not her first bottle of diet coke of that day.
B: What was your hardest year at school and what was your happiest year at school?
Gemma: Fifth year was hard because I really struggled with some of my subjects like physics but because I didn’t do so well in exams 6th year was a lot of fun. That was probably my happiest year at school but also my hardest academically cause how much is riding on the results.
Jessica: Happiest year was sixth year and 5th year was the hardest. In sixth year I was taking subjects I really really liked and my pals all had the same free periods as me. Fifth year was really stressful with all the highers.
Jessica finishes cooking up a storm in the kitchen and settles down with a bowl of some mystery health food.
Lesley: Same again, fiff
Side note: Lesley has a recurring issue pronouncing her ‘th’s as ‘ffs' much to Beth’s irritation as her name contains this very consonant cluster.
Fiff year was the most difficult but I also had a lot of fun in fiff year because I actually got along with my friends in fiff year. And sixth year was really fun cause I didn't get along with my friends and that was really funny (everyone laughs at the tragedy and reality of this statement).
Gemma throws in she made a lot of new fun friends in sixth year some of which Beth met on a night out (Beth remembers none of this but nods obligingly).
Lesley: I started getting drunk in sixth ear as well so..
Everyone chimes in ME TOO YEAH.
Fun Fact: We all were underage drinkers!
Lesley then cuts in with the fact Stephanie (another fun friend) will be driving us to Nandos. It later materializes that though Stephanie indeed accompanies us to Nandos, we walk, much to Gemma and Beth’s horror.
B: Okay, Did you take a packed lunch to school, and what did it consist of?
Gemma: I was gonna do that one!
The subtext here is that she deleted that particular question as it was lame.
Yeah I normally always took a packed lunch and it was always some kind of wrap or sandwich with normally ham inside it.
Beth adds that nothing has changed. We see the truth of that statement as Gemma continues listing the exact food she still eats very lunch time.
and then a packet of crisps and a capri sun sometimes.
When I was a kid I took those little packets of Jaffa cakes at playtime. I once I tripped up and my Jaffa cakes went everywhere, I scraped my knee but I was more upset about the Jaffa cakes!
Gemma ends with a sort of wail.
Jessica: It was always whole meal seeded bread, cheese tomato and mayo sandwich every single day of fifth year and sixth year. It was so weird. Yeah.
- Gemma cuts in with a fun story when there was nothing in the house so she made a tomato ketchup sandwich.
- Beth adds she has also tried this and it is indeed not as good as you think its going to be.
Lesley: I had variations. But I always remember if you got a school dinner and you didn't have enough money on your card you had to wait till the end and just get whatever food was leftover. It was always a bit scarring.
I found out later my brother always took my dinner money, my Mum was always so confused why I would come home and be like aw I never got lunch till the end.
Beth: I was banned from having a lunch card as I spent all my money on biscuits.
B: Did you have a prom and did it have a theme?
Jessica: No.
Gemma: Yeah, I was on prom committee, it didn't really have a theme. It was just kind of like Bye High school theme. Gemma goes on to describe all the colours of the balloons at her prom and how they matched her school tie.
Lesley: So your theme was school. (laughs all round)
Beth: And your dress?
Gemma: Oh I had a blue dress, it was kind of like a mermaid dress. It tight to here (motions to upper leg) and came out here (motions to lower leg). And it was blue, it was between a blue one and a red one and the red had tear at the side of it and my mum said she thought the blue went better with my hair anyway. So I got the blue one.
Lesley: I had a prom, there was no theme and my dress was purple and my Mum made it. But I don’t really like it now but don’t tell her.
Gemma: Yeah I don’t really like mine anymore either. Wanna here about my hair trauma? (launches into the story without waiting for a response).So I went to my hairdresser and asked for headband braid and maybe like a fish tail coming down the side. The hairdresser finished it 5 minutes and was like I’ve got to run I have wedding hair to do. And so I paid.
Beth: You paid?
Gemma: I paid and I shouldn’t have. I went outside and burst out crying. My Mum’s friend had taken me so it was already drama, I got in the car laughing sorry not laughing, CRYING and my Mum’s friend was like what the hell is this hair? It was horrible. It was like half a fish tail braid and the bottom of the tail bit had been back combed. It wasn't a braid headband either, it was like a quiff or something.
Lesley: I take it your not coming to Nando’s Jessica if you’re having your dinner now?
Jessica: No I wasn’t gonna come anyway, I’m gonna do work.
- Both Beth and Jessica abandon the interview, Beth to get ready for Nandos and Jessica to study for a rapidly approaching exam.
- Gemma and Lesley then completely change the pre-determined questions to this final one.
The most stupid thing you said in high school:
Lesley: In physics we were doing electricity and the question was like how do you connect a circuit. The answer was in a series. But my answer was, you put a wire in there and a wire in there.
My teacher was like are you being serious? She was thinking you’re either being really really rude right now or your being a idiot. I was like always the latter my friend always the latter.
Gemma: In my chemistry exam we got told not to leave any blanks but I wanted to be full of the lols. So the question was about a pot with a mixture in it over a flame and at the end of the experiment there was a black substance left. The question was what is the substance, I was like ugh burned pot? The teacher was like that’s not funny! These are exams!
The interview end abruptly ends here.
Additional Fun facts:
1. Gemma went to two high schools.
2. Jessica’s smallest class was 4 and largest was a mere 18 children. (cue Gemma squealing oh my god 4!)
3. Some of Lesley many many fun facts include:
Her old playgroup was converted into flats. Actually that was the literally the only even semi-fun fact the rest were frankly sleep-inducing.
