September Favorites

Hello loyal readers. Beth is back in black, pastel pink and ready to give you the scoop on who and what everyone needs to be watching, reading, listening, knitting, dressing in and speaking to this October. I think this post may help all of us as we take on the future miserable cold and lonely months. 

To sum up at the end of September I am still single, short, ab-less and lacking in talent generally. However what I do have is consistency. I consistently fail to achieve my goals. To sum up thank goodness I have fun friends and family to make up for my distinct lack of positive progression.

Mis Amigos

Music
For the Gym

CobraStyle TeddyBears 
Not to begin on a negative note but everyone I’ve shown this song has absolutely hated it.

Trust You Rob Thomas 
From the man who brought you the masterpiece Lonely No More

Beat of My Drum Powers 

Fascination Alphabeat
#throwback

Help Our Souls (Urban Contract Remix) Nilhils

On My Mind Ellie Goulding

For Netflix and Chill 
(minus the Netflix obviously because music shouldn't compete with a cinematic masterpiece like Love, Rosie for example) 

Honest Feedback Saint Motel

Midnight Movies Saint Motel

Magnets Disclosure and Lorde

Youth FRONTEERS

Don’t Marry Her The Beautiful South

Read
This is more of blacklist of books you should avoid. I’ve honestly hated the majority of material I’ve read recently.

The Night Circus By Erin Morgenstern
Not sure why there was such a buzz surrounding this novel. Great concept, honestly sounds like a hella-fun circus unfortunately I didn’t like a single character. I have the same problem in my personal life so there we go. 

And that sums up the grand total of books I managed to read this month. Slow and steady that’s my motto. 

Watch

The Walking Dead
Apocalyptic America and a fun group of survivors lead by that tragic guy from Love Actually. 

How I met Your Mother (for the third time)
Think Friends but with ten times the inside jokes and spontaneous dance numbers. 

Scream Queens
I’m not 100% sure I even like this show but the sheer number of famous faces they manage to fit into a 40 minute episode is impressive. 

Random Favorites

This video of Taylor and Haim is #goals and #dreams. Queen G and I recreated it. It was a mistake. Both are posted below. 

Searching for a drink to replace the beverage of the gods (aka Vodka Lemonade) led to this fun finding. Margaritas. Prepare to get white girl wasted my friends. 

Till next time! xx

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What Not to do in New York

On the Steps of the Met xoxo

Hello my loyal readers, I can only apologize for the lack of posts over the past few months. Suffice to say I am now a respectable employed student and I was on holiday. The vacation destination was none other than the big apple, the city that never sleeps, so nice they named it twice, NEW YORK CITY.

Queue Jay-Z: YEAH I’M OUT THAT BROOKLYN, NOW I’M DOWN IN TRIBECA, I’M RIGHT NEXT TO DENIRO, BUT I’ll BE HOOD FOREVER. Whatever that means.

2 weeks, three stalwart friends off on a whirlwind big city adventure. In the immortal words of Donkey, I love it. There were highs: shopping in Bendels', Wicked on Broadway, the Gossip Girl tour, Literal highs: Rockefeller center, Lady Libby and the Freedom Tower but there were also crushing lows. This blog post details the sights and sounds you should avoid in NYC.

Ultimately my take away advice is not all money spent is money spent wisely and additionally don’t let your friends go hungry. They will try to kill you. To sum up we’re having fun, miss a meal time at your own peril.

What Not to do in New York

Don’t wear the shortest dress you own.

Your chic summery vibe swiftly becomes more lady of the night or more likely trashy white girl. 

Don’t expect Julian Morris to be there.

He’ll be in Edinburgh instead. Despite the fact you were in Edinburgh the entire year. Despite the fact you snapchat him your whereabouts constantly. And despite the fact he lives in NYC. He won’t be coming back to Pretty Little Liars and he won’t be coming to your city.

Why Julian? Why must you hurt me so?

Don’t give spare change to homeless men at red lights.

They will come and speak to you. They will scream at you tips on how to save money. There is no escape. You will look a fool.

Don’t buy food at museums.

If it’s edible and in a museum it’s going to be expensive. And probably terrible.

Don’t take your hungry friends to the museum.

As I mentioned above, your friendship may not last as long as you first imagined.

Don’t go to Senor Frogs for food.

These smiles and balloon hats hide tears.

Don’t walk 5+ miles for macaroons and then only buy one.

Because you will go back almost immediately and there will be a line out the door and the shop assistant will recognize and judge you.

We'll take the lot. 

Fun Fact: Blair Waldorf and Leighton Meester bought macaroons here. 

Don’t go on the Hop on Hop Off bus tour.

Picture the ‘It’s a Small World’ Disney ride but with a bellowing New York tour guide and NYC trivia.  

Don’t trifle with Chanel’s security team.

Don’t leave a note written in eyeliner and signed with a lipstick kiss in place of a tip.

Don’t expect celebrities to come helicoptering in just because you have arrived.

The only 'celebrity' we saw. 

Don’t wait your turn for a picture in front of the the Alice in Wonderland statue in central park.

It’s a jungle out there. Parents are ruthless and so you must be to get that winning photo. 

Out of my way peasant.

Don’t forget fancy hotel bathrooms as your key into the NYC elite lifestyle.  

Living the dream at the Empire. 

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The Best Underrated Animated Films

1. The entire Shrek Saga but specifically Shrek 2. 

An ogre fights for his ogre wife against the expectations of her family and a menopausal fairy. 

Fun fact: People love a good scare.

The simultaneously the most quotable and spontaneously relatable film ever. Some personal  favorite quotes include:

- I'm coming Elizabeth! [passes out] 

- Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out, Pound dead, Make 'em tea, Buy 'em drinks, Meet their mommas, Milk 'em hard, RAWHIDE! YEE-HAW!

- Oh, God! help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?

- Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! (pretty woman lawl)

2. Spirit

A horse fights for freedom and also Bryan Adams. 

Walk into the club like...also #hairgoals
 

That horse is pure SASS since 2002. People who say they didn’t cry during the snow storm when Spirit had a Native American drug fueled hallucination about his horse family are liars fakes and phonies (and you don't want to be laying your eyes on them).

From the Spirit soundtrack I’d like to recommend You Can’t Take Me- Bryan Adams for your personal get psyched mix. Actually check out anything Bryan Adams related (Summer of ’69, Heaven etc.)

3. Chicken Run

A plucky chicken tries to save her fellow farm yard friends from being turned into a savory snacks. 

Me neither Babs, me neither. 

Fun fact: My Flatmate G’s spirit animal is Mrs. Tweedy/ a chicken pie and yes as you would imagine, living in the U.K. pretty much mirrors the exact storyline of Chicken Run. So rather than spending thousands of pounds on flights just watch that film, 100% accurate 100% of the time. 

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The Drunk Chronicles

I am starting this new series recounting my wildest nights in the hope that my readers and future Beth will remember these nights and perhaps throw caution to the wind or at least avoid jail time.  

Before the tragic loss of the shoe.

Miss Mischief 

The year was 2012. Depending on the time of day L (a flatmate and depending on her whine level close friend) and I were either white girl wasted,pretending to study, or lost in Pre-man bun Harry  Styles’s eyes. I had doubled in size as a result of my daily consumption  3 course dinners (consisiting entirely of cereal).I had never felt so free or confused about what day of the week it was, considering I had run out money and clothes that still fit me it seemed like the perfect time to hit the town. There was only one club. HIVE.

For those who have never frequented Hive, let me paint you a picture. Hive will never win any awards for cleanliness, bouncer hospitality or accurate alcohol measures, and probably offers a 76% chance of contracting a fatal disease. The Hive does offer a solid B+ for music, shots for a pound and hundreds of desperate potential pulls.

 Must see attractions include:

• Mary, the toilet attendant

• The mystery hole in the wall beside the toilets

• The smoking area, where you can enjoy some fresh air

• The Alternative Dance room (Teenage Dirtbag/Wonder Wall and you've made it)
  
  

• The Cocktail Bar (fun fact:you cannot buy anything but cocktails)

Fun Fact: Ignore Lesley’s cocktail recommendations, the stevo-o is alcohol poisoning in a pitcher and The Kiss Me Kate does not taste like the kind of drink Kate Middleton would order. 

Our night began in the normal fashion. After piling on the make up and pre-drinking enough to ensure Lesley's jokes were actually funny, we hopped on the dirty thirty (our university’s  premier bus of choice)  and off to the promised land. The night flew past in a whirl wind of screaming through Kiss You (ONE D), greeting Mary like a long lost comrade from the wars and trying not to vom up our tequila shots.

Friends for life.

Finally the club lights flickered on, the signal even Hive couldn't handle us right now. On this particular night I met a fun guy who we’ll refer to as Jimbo and his friend Shrimp. Despite my drunken state I soon determined that an after party had been planned back at their flat and I had the distinct honor of being invited. Turning to Lesley I could see an after party was the last thing on her mind. When Lesley gets drunk and annoyed  she transforms into what can only be referred to as Glasgow betch. Her usual sweet tones morph into angry chav and there's not a soul on earth wouldn't tremble at her voice.

“Beth is this really a good idea?”
“Beth, are you sure?”
“Beth, we’ll regret this.”

Of course being all knowing and never regretting a single drunken choice ever, I ignored these warnings and hopped into a car  featuring a fun bumper sticker reading 'I Love Sl*ts'. Lesley torn between her Glasgow betch rage and hunger  for adventure followed me and here begins a crazy adventure that verges on the unbelievable.

We arrived at  a flat that was  an exciting combo of both freezing and filthy. Jimbo proceeded to tell us of his adventures as a dog owner and sports physio.  We watched ten videos straight of him and his dog  in which he adopted a high pitched squealing when talking to said dog  that was the oddest and most hilarious thing I have ever seen. Laughs aside Jimbo wanted to introduce us first hand to his skills in the art of sports injury management. He attached a kind plunger to my leg which made my skin expand, left a bruise and was also hilarious. I then attempted to balance on a inflatable balance ball and fell on my face. It was around the point Lesley developed the laugh of deranged hyena and I realized any sanity had been lost to this ridiculous scenario. Upon offering us some warm beer, Shrimp tried to convince Lesley and I we would make fabulous bouncers. This was greeted with more hyena laughter as I stand at 5’3 and sober Lesley is scared of her own shadow.  

More fun friends.

By this time Lesley and I were starvingly hungry. We tried to call Dominoes but fun fact Dominoes does not deliver at 430am (fun fact: they still answer the phone though!) so instead of doing the logical thing and asking for food from the kitchen Lesley and I devised a genius plan. We said we were going to the bathroom but instead we made our way to the kitchen and started rummaging through the shelves. Unfortunately Jimbo was a health nut and had exactly zero fun snacks. He also heard us in the kitchen and asked what the hell we were doing. After explaining our hunger and desperation for nutrition Jimbo proceeded to make us the most disgusting porridge in the world that lacked sugar, oats and milk. In hindsight I’m not hundred percent sure Jimbo knew what porridge was.

By this time Lesley and I were exhausted and the next bit of the story is a bit hazy. Suffice to say Shrimp lived up to his nickname and Jimbo clearly preferred Lesley over me. I awoke the next morning fully understanding how cold Jack and Rose must have felt clinging to that plank of wood in the middle of the ocean. I thought I had contracted frost bite. 

The bathroom mirror also revealed that sleeping in your contact lenses gives you red demon eyes. I was ready to leave. I kicked Lesley awake declined Jimbo’s offer of breakfast (or porridge round two) and  practically ran from the flat only to double back as I had forgotten my wallet. 

The block of flats looked like nowhere Lesley and I had ever seen before and so we were forced to ask a terrified looking 8 year old for directions. We parted with Lesley creepily advising him to "stay in school" and we began our walk of shame stride of pride down Princes Street. The judgement from people passing by was tangible, I was convinced my coat had been drenched in gasoline (turns out it was just beer) and since Lesley had lost her shoe the previous night I gave her mine and was barefoot. The bus driver viewed us with clear disgust as we made our way to the back of the bus heads bowed in shame. 

The only silver lining were the calorie ridden pasties we had for breakfast. From that night on Lesley went by a new name Miss Mischief (so called by shrimp) and I learned to live with rejection.

Fun fact: several months later Jimbo fb-messaged Lesley asking her out. #FAILWHALE.  

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Ranking My Prom Dresses

Going to an American High school meant that I was privileged enough to attend one of the most infamous and cliched rituals of emotional teen drama movies: prom. In total I went to four different proms and four winter formal dances. I learnt valuable lessons from attending these events, such gems as:

• Ignoring your date for the entire dance won’t result in an adorable and hysterical story you can tell your grandchildren. They’ll just assume you have mental problems. 

• Do not go to a brand-new hairdresser for your prom hair unless your going for recently scalped white trash. 

• Just because you think purple and green eyeshadow is ‘fun’ and ‘eye-catching’ won’t stop people from asking if you have a black eye. 

Below is a countdown of the dresses I wore from YUS Hilary to Hell nah. Just a disclaimer: there were more dresses but I tragically do not have photo evidence.

4.

Sick of my standard make it bold, make it daring, make yourself regret it forever philosophy for life, I decided to go in the complete opposite direction (shout out to Zayn Malik)  and buy the most cookie cutter (shout out to our relator who loved using this adjective to describe houses), prom dress ever. It remains my favorite dress as it’s the closest I’ve ever come to looking like a professional ballerina/carnival dancer #lifegoals.

3.

This year was apparently the year where the cosmos met an out of the way safari park. All I can say in my defense is that animal print was really big that year. I was complimented on this look however I think that may have been because I wasn’t sporting my trademark librarian on a mission hair bun. 

2.

The story behind this dress was that time was ticking and my other option was a dress I’d bought when I was legally blind or perhaps just really into plaid. I guess the style is mediocre #halterneck but the real issue lies in the fact it’s made from raincoat material and is the color of soil. Guess I can reuse it come mud-wrestling season.

1.

This dress is undeniably the worst dress I have ever worn not just to prom but in life. A cross between a flamenco ball gown and a church frock, this dress manages to completely contradict itself by ending far below the knee yet also being siren red and one-shouldred. Was I going for modest Mary or street walker? Your guess is as good as mine.The excess material down the front was especially fun as it gave the impression something was growing out stomach.

Ten out of ten for creativity on the designer’s part. 

I hope you enjoyed this post, I think the lesson we’ve all learnt is that 10-17 years old is a dark time for personal style and expression. Apart from where Lorde is concerned. Lorde is life. 

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Journey to the Land of the Thin

Queen G and I consuming calories via the best means possible: BOOZE CRUISE

Over the years Queen G and I have been on various quests to achieve slim perfection. 

Some previous diet attempts have included: 

• Walking to Sainsbury’s as exercise

• Drinking bathtub quantities of fizzy juice

• Eating a cinema worth of popcorn under the guise that popcorn contains only salt and sunshine as far as nutritional content. 

• Pinning pictures of bikini-clad models on a fitness inspo pintrest board

It was clear that though our methods were inventive and certainly one-of-a-kind our diet plans weren’t only being laughed at by our peers, we were actually gaining weight. Without the excuse of the freshers forty (or is it fifteen I really let myself go first year) Queen G and I decided to go all out and diet like we’d never dieted before.

On Tuesday night G and I trotted off to Sainsbo’s, determination in our eyes and a budget of 5 pounds on our debit cards. After much deliberation we purchased the following:

• 2 boxes of Carrot and Coriander powdered soup
• 1 box Tomato and Basil powdered soup
• 1 box Chicken Noodle powdered soup
• 1 scale
• 2 boxes of magic food expulsion pills 

That night after watching a classic film about high class and humble Japanese prostituties, we popped 2 magic pills each and headed to bed in order to be well rested for the trying days ahead. 

I awoke at 7am and realized just how painful magic really is especially when it comes in pill form. Suffice to say Queen G and I spent the entire morning frequenting the water closet and feeling like our digestive organs were being ripped out. By 10am we felt as empty and sad as Uncle Scar after he realizes that even his faithful hyena minions hate him. Lunchtime soon rolled around, and it was steaming cups of carrot and coriander all round. Funnily enough the soup tasted less like a feast for royalty and more like warm water with powdery lumps. 

Post-lunch I took solace in my sugar free Irn Bru while Queen G chowed down on a pack of Spearmint Extra chewing gum trying to convince our selves in the words of Kate Moss “Nothing tastes as good as Skinny feels”. Although I was starting to think maybe a slice of bread might come close. 

In order to lift our spirits and stall our hunger fueled hallucinations we decided to partake in one of our favorite activities, a brisk walk to the park. Unfortunately by this point Queen G had lost what little strength she had left. Swinging was nigh on impossible and conversation kept returning back to our probable approaching deaths. Our walk wasn't so much a energetic adventure as snail-paced plod. 

Upon our return to the flat Queen G discovered she had aged years and developed under eye bags the size of tyres (although this may have been due to the lighting and smudged makeup)and I had turned pale as a sheet (although this may of been due to a general lack of a tan). While Queen G collapsed by her laptop, I headed to my bed to try and manage a Skype call. It was mid-way through having my friend describe in detail the exact contents of her fridge I realized. I was sad, old, confused and lonely at the same time, I was miserable and muggle oh yeah. It was time to raise the white flag, the diet had turned me into the kind of lifeless drip neither Sam Claflin nor Harry Styles would take a second look at (unless they were escorting me to a hospital). 

We ended the day not with empty bellies but with Weetabix, popcorn and winner winner chicken dinner. I’ve learnt a couple of things through this journey which are as follows:

1. Never pick a diet Partner that has IBS
2. Over the counter medication can and probably will kill you
3. If it doesn’t look like carrot and coriander soup it probably won’t taste like Carrot and Coriander soup.

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Flatmates Interview: School Days

I would like to introduce the world of Beth Oh La to a couple of my close friends and their experiences in school. Some background on my three interviewees.

Lesley

Occupation: Life guard and dietetics student 

Words to live by: My life is a tragedy 

Best quality: She brings the sass

Worst quality: Always the victim

Gemma

Occupation: Blogger and Nursing Student

Words to Live By: Never forget the toppings on your pizza

Best Quality: Her vivid imagination 

Worst Quality: 90% of the time living in a nightmare dressed like daydream 

Jessica:

Occupation: Dietetics student and future singing sensation 

Words to live by: It’ll all work out in the end 

Best quality: Despite her innocent appearance her raunchy jokes appear like a bolt out the blue at the best time.

Worst quality: Bit of an airhead 

Lesley and me posing up a storm

Jessica and Moi

Galentimes Day with Gemma

B: What was your favorite subject at school and why?

Gemma: Ok so up until my highers my favorite subject was history because I was really good at it, and then when I went into highers my favorite subject was English, cause I really liked the books and plays and I got really good at it.

Summary: Gemma stick to her strengths 

B: Jessica?

Jessica: Art.  

Jessica has to be reminded that she needs to expand on that answer as it would make for a pretty shitty interview if all the responses were one word. 

Because I love drawing and painting, it was just fun. 

Lesley: I really liked history cause I was good at it and it was really interesting. 

• After Lesley blatantly steals Gemma’s answer she goes on about James the first, the only thing she remembers about the English civil war.
• Beth and Gemma then comment on their compete lack of historical knowledge. 
• A loud hissing erupts from Lesley as she  cracks open what I suspect is not her first bottle of diet coke of that day. 

B: What was your hardest year at school and what was your happiest year at school?

Gemma: Fifth year was hard because I really struggled with some of my subjects like physics but because I didn’t do so well in exams 6th year was a lot of fun. That was probably my happiest year at school but also my hardest academically cause how much is riding on the results.

Jessica: Happiest year was sixth year and 5th year was the hardest. In sixth year I was taking subjects I really really liked and my pals all had the same free periods as me. Fifth year was really stressful with all the highers. 

Jessica  finishes cooking up a storm in the kitchen and settles down with a bowl of some mystery health food. 

Lesley: Same again, fiff

Side note: Lesley has a recurring issue pronouncing her ‘th’s as ‘ffs' much to Beth’s irritation as her name contains this very consonant cluster.  

 Fiff year was the most difficult but I also had a lot of fun in fiff year because I actually got along with my friends in fiff year. And sixth year was really fun cause I didn't get along with my friends and that was really funny (everyone laughs at the tragedy and reality of this statement).

Gemma throws in she made a lot of new fun friends in sixth year some of which Beth met on a night out (Beth remembers none of this but nods obligingly).

Lesley: I started getting drunk in sixth ear as well so.. 

Everyone chimes in ME TOO YEAH. 

Fun Fact: We all were underage drinkers! 

Lesley then cuts in with the fact Stephanie (another fun friend) will be driving us to Nandos. It later materializes that though Stephanie indeed accompanies us to Nandos, we walk, much to Gemma and Beth’s horror. 

B: Okay, Did you take a packed lunch to school, and what did it consist of?

Gemma: I was gonna do that one! 

The subtext here is that she deleted that particular question as it was lame.

Yeah I normally always took a packed lunch and it was always some kind of wrap or sandwich with normally ham inside it. 

Beth adds that nothing has changed. We see the truth of that statement as Gemma continues listing the exact food she still eats very lunch time. 

and then a packet of crisps and a capri sun sometimes. 

When I was a kid I took those little packets of Jaffa cakes at playtime. I once I tripped up and my Jaffa cakes went everywhere, I scraped my knee but I was more upset about the Jaffa cakes! 

Gemma ends with a sort of wail.

Jessica: It was always whole meal seeded bread, cheese tomato and mayo sandwich every single day of fifth year and sixth year. It was so weird. Yeah.

• Gemma cuts in with a fun story when there was nothing in the house so she made a tomato ketchup sandwich. 

• Beth adds she has also tried this and it is indeed not as good as you think its going to be. 

Lesley: I had variations. But I always remember if you got a school dinner and you didn't have enough money on your card you had to wait till the end and just get whatever food was leftover. It was always a bit scarring.

I found out later my brother always took my dinner money, my Mum was always so confused why I would come home and be like aw I never got lunch till the end. 

Beth: I was banned from having a lunch card as I spent all my money on biscuits.

B: Did you have a prom and did it have a theme?

Jessica: No.

Gemma: Yeah, I was on prom committee, it didn't really have a theme. It was just kind of like Bye High school theme. Gemma goes on to describe all the colours of the balloons at her prom and how they matched her school tie.

Lesley: So your theme was school. (laughs all round)

Beth: And your dress?

Gemma: Oh I had a blue dress, it was kind of like a mermaid dress. It tight to here (motions to upper leg) and came out here (motions to lower leg). And it was blue, it was between a blue one and a red one and the red had tear at the side of it and my mum said she thought the blue went better with my hair anyway. So I got the blue one.

Lesley: I had a prom, there was no theme and my dress was purple and my Mum made it. But I don’t really like it now but don’t tell her.

Gemma: Yeah I don’t really like mine anymore either. Wanna here about my hair trauma? (launches into the story without waiting for a response).So I went to my hairdresser and asked for headband braid and maybe like a fish tail coming down the side. The hairdresser finished it 5 minutes and was like I’ve got to run I  have wedding hair to do. And so I paid.

Beth: You paid?

Gemma: I paid and I shouldn’t have. I went outside and burst out crying. My Mum’s friend had taken me so it was already drama, I got in the car laughing sorry not laughing, CRYING and my Mum’s friend was like what the hell is this hair? It was horrible. It was like half a fish tail braid and the bottom of the tail bit had been back combed. It wasn't a braid headband either, it was like a quiff or something. 

Lesley: I take it your not coming to Nando’s Jessica if you’re having your dinner now? 

Jessica: No I wasn’t gonna come anyway, I’m gonna do work. 

• Both Beth and Jessica abandon the interview, Beth to get ready for Nandos and Jessica to study for a rapidly approaching exam.

• Gemma and Lesley then completely change the pre-determined questions to this final one.  

The most stupid thing you said in high school: 

Lesley: In physics we were doing electricity and the question was like how do you connect a circuit. The answer was in a series. But my answer was, you put a wire in there and a wire in there. 

My teacher was like are you being serious? She was thinking you’re either being really really rude right now or your being a idiot. I was like always the latter my friend always the latter.

Gemma: In my chemistry exam we got told not to leave any blanks but I wanted to be full of the lols. So the question was about a pot with a mixture in it over a flame and at the end of the experiment there was a black substance left.  The question was what is the substance, I was like ugh burned pot?  The teacher was like that’s not funny! These are exams! 

The interview end abruptly ends here. 

Additional Fun facts:
1. Gemma went to two high schools. 

2. Jessica’s smallest class was 4 and largest was a mere 18 children. (cue Gemma squealing oh my god 4!) 

3. Some of Lesley many many fun facts include: 

Her old playgroup was converted into flats. Actually that was the literally the only even semi-fun fact the rest were frankly sleep-inducing. 

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