Ranking My Prom Dresses

Going to an American High school meant that I was privileged enough to attend one of the most infamous and cliched rituals of emotional teen drama movies: prom. In total I went to four different proms and four winter formal dances. I learnt valuable lessons from attending these events, such gems as:

• Ignoring your date for the entire dance won’t result in an adorable and hysterical story you can tell your grandchildren. They’ll just assume you have mental problems. 

• Do not go to a brand-new hairdresser for your prom hair unless your going for recently scalped white trash. 

• Just because you think purple and green eyeshadow is ‘fun’ and ‘eye-catching’ won’t stop people from asking if you have a black eye. 

Below is a countdown of the dresses I wore from YUS Hilary to Hell nah. Just a disclaimer: there were more dresses but I tragically do not have photo evidence.

4.

Sick of my standard make it bold, make it daring, make yourself regret it forever philosophy for life, I decided to go in the complete opposite direction (shout out to Zayn Malik)  and buy the most cookie cutter (shout out to our relator who loved using this adjective to describe houses), prom dress ever. It remains my favorite dress as it’s the closest I’ve ever come to looking like a professional ballerina/carnival dancer #lifegoals.

3.

This year was apparently the year where the cosmos met an out of the way safari park. All I can say in my defense is that animal print was really big that year. I was complimented on this look however I think that may have been because I wasn’t sporting my trademark librarian on a mission hair bun. 

2.

The story behind this dress was that time was ticking and my other option was a dress I’d bought when I was legally blind or perhaps just really into plaid. I guess the style is mediocre #halterneck but the real issue lies in the fact it’s made from raincoat material and is the color of soil. Guess I can reuse it come mud-wrestling season.

1.

This dress is undeniably the worst dress I have ever worn not just to prom but in life. A cross between a flamenco ball gown and a church frock, this dress manages to completely contradict itself by ending far below the knee yet also being siren red and one-shouldred. Was I going for modest Mary or street walker? Your guess is as good as mine.The excess material down the front was especially fun as it gave the impression something was growing out stomach.

Ten out of ten for creativity on the designer’s part. 

I hope you enjoyed this post, I think the lesson we’ve all learnt is that 10-17 years old is a dark time for personal style and expression. Apart from where Lorde is concerned. Lorde is life.